The White Light
by Benevolent Goddess
Summary: Oneshot. His journey has ended. He's heading to his death. But he just can't shake her, or his vision of the blinding white light.


**Author's Note/Disclaimer: **Insomnia roughly equates to another Sazh/Vanille piece! Can't guarantee it'll make much sense though, since it's written on next to no sleep. (Oops.) This is meant to take place at the beginning of Chapter Nine.

As always, I don't own anything even half as cool as Final Fantasy. Enjoy!

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Every time he squeezed his eyes shut, he saw it – the blinding flash of white light that had subsequently darkened his world. The memory of it sickened him almost as much as the actual experience, maybe even more now that he'd had time to process the event. Yet what he saw when his eyes were open didn't provide much relief either. The room was just too small, and even when he did his best to gaze into nothingness he'd see a blur of pink in his peripheral vision. _Her. _It was beginning to be a toss-up as to which was worse, keeping his eyes open or closed.

Sazh sighed. He shouldn't have been so weak, he should have taken the chance to escape all this madness while he'd had it. Now he was stuck being some sick and twisted example for the public. He was little more than some propaganda, as tended to be the case with public executions. He was merely a monster to be exterminated. The fact that he was being kept caged like a monster wasn't helping any. At first he'd paced but it made him feel even more like an animal. So now, he resigned himself to leaning against the wall and staring.

He stared ahead until his vision became a blur, and tried to ignore the fact that Vanille was still around for so many reasons he couldn't keep track anymore. He felt betrayed, yet still held so much compassion. They'd been through so much together, and she was the one person he felt he could trust…

But now he couldn't look at her.

She'd stopped crying, finally. That made things easier, at least. It had started out as violent sobs, wretched noises that tugged at his heartstrings though he tried his damnedest to ignore them. Slowly, the strained cries subsided into sniffles. There was the occasional hiccup, but her tears had gone silent. Now, it seemed, all the tears she'd been storing in that tiny body were dried up. Nothing was left and she wilted.

Was he supposed to feel guilty, despite everything? He had to wonder.

Some part of him felt he owed her the feeling. He was her protector, he wanted to keep her safe. When he'd given up the will to live, she'd done her part to protect him instead of fleeing. Perhaps they could have escaped, if only he'd kept his wits about him. Maybe if his heart wasn't so heavy, they could have fought. Survived. Just like they used to. Was it strange to feel pity for the person responsible for taking away your child?

"Sazh?"

His train of thought, nearly derailed as it may have been, was interrupted. He dare not turn his head, only his eyes shifted to where Vanille was seated. She sat wringing her hands as though she were still thinking of the words to say to him. _What else is there _to_ say_, he wondered, _other than an apology that won't matter? _He snorted slightly, and somewhere in the back of his mind he was shocked at how cynical he was becoming.

Vanille bit her lip, peering up at him. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "Your son isn't gone."

He shot her a disbelieving look, but she pressed on with even greater confidence. "Sazh, I have to tell you something important."

"What, another lie?"

She flinched, and for a moment he felt satisfied. She should flinch. He wanted her to feel the utter confusion he was feeling. He was frightened but enraged, on edge but listless, probably going insane and definitely, above all, completely torn up inside – yet for some stupid reason, he still loved her and wanted her to be alright. He was damn certain she should be flinching.

The last two tears her body had apparently kept on reserve for such biting words rolled slowly down her cheeks. _Cry then. Good. _He wanted so desperately not to care anymore. Yet her next five words left him completely dumbfounded. "Sazh… I was a crystal."

All at once he lost control of his muscles and felt himself falling to the floor, stunned completely by this information overload. If she were crystal once, yet sitting feet away from him now… He tried to speak, but only made some strange sound. She ran over and hugged him.

There they were, their legs twisted into some strange mass of despair on the floor as they held each other. Her breathing was erratic, and instinctively he planted a kiss on her forehead. Back when things were normal, that was how he comforted Dajh. It seemed to calm her, too.

Nothing made sense anymore. This much he knew – and had known for a while now. Though for a split second, he saw his situation that much more clearly. He squeezed his eyes shut, continuing to embrace Vanille tightly. He saw the blinding white light once more, but this time it didn't give him that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. The light was no longer an evil thing. It was his light of hope.


End file.
